melonclarinet

So, life has been crazy lately and I haven’t been on here in forever. I’ve been busier than ever with school. Band camp started with my new school. I’m loving it, but it’s keeping me out for at least 16 hours a day. Then I have to prep for the next day. It’s been insane and hectic. I haven’t been eating super healthy, but not too bad either. I haven’t really lost weight, but my body is starting to look different. Band camp is very active, so I’m definitely building some muscle. I’m actually even seeing some changes in some of my students (we work out twice daily and march for at least 3-4 hours during band camp).

Well, I have to go to the grocery store so that I can avoid doing the fast food thing. I hope everyone is doing well. I will really try to get on and read through the blogs soon.

Today was interesting. I got up at 7:30 am without my alarm going off. I cooked breakfast and then went to the gym for a bit. Then I drove out to my new school and got a ton of things done. I had a meeting with my principal and ASB director and I was nervous about it. I thought it was going to be a rough meeting and that i’d have to fight to get support for my band program, but it ended up being really positive. I think this year can be great.

I called my mom to tell her about the good meeting and somehow we got talking about the past. I can’t believe it, but I finally told her how I was upset that she allowed me to live in the life that I was in when I was younger. I’ve never told her before that she should have gotten me out of that household. She told me about how my dad loves me now and their both sorry, it was just emotionally draining, but it’s ok. I didn’t go eat chocolate or any thing

I’ve only had 1200 calories today, so I’m going to end up with a snack of apple and peanut butter (yummy). I’m exhausted and actually want to go to bed early tonight. I can’t believe it.

So, today was a pretty relaxing day. I still have this stupid migraine, and I have cramps. Migraines come with my TOM, so that sucks. I did have a couple hours where my head was feeling better. I went out to Walmart to do some shopping that I needed to do. I really, really wanted fast food. I even looked food up online to see what would be best to have.  I did resist even though Jack in the Box (my favorite) was in the Walmart parking lot. I am proud that I was able to resist. I’m pretty sure I’ll have it tomorrow though. I’m going up to my new school to do a bunch of work and have meetings and I don’t have my fridge and microwave set up in my classroom yet, and the fridge in the staff lounge is gone too, so I know that I’m going to want to eat out with my friend who’s going with. Since my rule is no eating out alone, it’s still within what I’ve agreed to allow myself. I made sure that I already have something picked out: the grilled chicken pita snack and a fruit cup which will total 364 calories, 14 grams of fat, 655 mg of sodium, 44 carbs, and 16 grams of protein. Not the best mean, but not the worst.

Well, time to try to get some sleep tonight. I hope all of my buddies are having a great week!

So, I had my first fast food today. It was so good! I had a staff meeting for band camp today. One of the staff members really wanted In-N-Out for lunch, so we went. I had a double double. It was delicious. I did decided to not get fries, I normally get them animal style (the best thing ever).

I thought for sure I was going to go over my calories and everything, but the only thing I went over was my sodium (and only by a little). I’m actually under on my calories (by 20) and my carbs.  I guess this has been a good lesson for me that I can eat things that are “bad” every once in a while as long as I’m careful with the rest of my meals and I don’t do it too often.

I ran up and down my stairs for about 15 minutes today (doing laundry and lots of it!) and now my bum is sore, lol.

Well, I’m actually tired, so I’m off to bed. Hope you’re all having a wonderful week.

Well, things are still going good with my food. I had 1400 calories yesterday and 1300 today.  I’m really proud of myself, because normally when I have a migraine like I’ve had for the last 2 days, I don’t eat much throughout the day and then I go to Jack in the Box and get a Spicy Chicken combo large with curly fries and a diet coke and then usually find some kind of chocolaty baked good. I did not do this either day! I’m sure my food choices weren’t perfect, but so much better than normal. I kind of scrounge for breakfast (usually some sliced turkey and some fruit or something), have a Lean Pocket for lunch and then cook dinner. I know the processed foods need to go, because I’m still having a hard time with my sodium levels, but I’ve started with making sure that I don’t eat highly processed foods for dinner. Dinner both nights has been grilled chicken, baked potato, fresh salsa, and low fat cheese mixed together. So yummy! I end up with a bigger dinner right now, because dinner has to last me a lot longer than any other meal, since I can never fall asleep before 3 or 4 am. I’m REALLY trying to change it, but this migraine didn’t help these last 2 days. I want to start to switch my hours and start having a bigger lunch and smaller dinner, because of the way my school schedule will be. I know that my days will last pretty long and I will end up eating later than I’d like.

So, all in all, I’m pleased with the eating portion of my lifestyle, but I need to really get moving and exercise.

Well, I only lost 1 lb this week. But still, I lost a pound this week!  I know that if I were more active that the weight would come off a little faster. So, I’ll just have to do it, won’t I?

Well, today is another day of lots of work. I really need to get this stuff done. It’s just dawning on me how much I have to get done in the next month or so. I have to get my new classroom ready, do all of the paperwork for the beginning of the year (syllabus, contracts, medical release forms, rental agreements…). I also need to pack up everything in my apartment, clean it, find a new place to live, and move. And all of the house stuff I will have to do while working 10-14 hours and commuting 2 hours a day, 5 days a week. Must get busy!

I hope you are all having a great weekend.

So, I’m wide awake at 3 AM. Maybe that’s the problem. My mind won’t stop racing. It runs through some of the most random thoughts and then other times it lingers on thoughts that just won’t go away.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the experiences I’ve had, or more correctly those I haven’t had. I look at my life, and this is not how it was supposed to turn out!I have done nothing. I’ve experienced very little. I know I started out behind because I didn’t have experiences when I was younger. I was not allowed to go out; we moved so much that I rarely had friends; we were poor so we didn’t do anything as a family; heck I wasn’t even allowed to read or watch tv. I was kept in the house so much that I know I never learned proper socialization, but I should be able to catch up, right?
I look around and see all of the wonderful things that my friends have done. My friends have done some amazing things! My friends have traveled the globe. Experienced parts of life I can’t even imagine. They’ve felt and given love. They have family. They have direction in life. I’m not jealous of them in a bad way. I’m so happy that they’ve been able to experience these things, I just wish I could say the same about myself.

I find that I’m not looking just for experiences, but I’m looking for a meaning for my existence. I feel like I need to have more experiences before I know why or how my life will eventually have meaning.
I need to learn balance. I need to sometimes just cave; go and do something that I probably shouldn’t. Take risks.
I need to travel. I need to branch out. I need to live.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a lucky person. I was able to work my way through college; although I had to work very hard to pay for it. I am able to pursue a career that I believe I will truly love (yeah, I know I’m going into my 4th year of teaching and I should be there already, but I don’t think I’ve been in a position long enough to be comfortable enough to really enjoy myself). I’m lucky to have any job when so many don’t. I have positive things in my life, but I’m looking for more.

I hope I find it, but I know that staying awake until 4 AM, won’t do it, so I should let my ramblings end and go to bed.

So, my eating is still going good. I ate about 1200 calories today. I went for a 10 minute walk. I know it’s not much, but it’s all I could get in. I was teaching a private lesson today and my principal from the school I’m moving to. I knew it probably wasn’t a good thing. He asked if I had dates and times set up for band camp; I do, yay! Then…he asked me, “You’re strong in math, right?” I told him that I wasn’t great, but I was ok. So, then he explained the real reason he was calling. Apparently, I’m going to be teaching or team teaching Algebra 1 for special ed. What!!??!!?? I mean, the band director position at a high school is already the busiest position on campus. So now I have to teach band, marching band, orchestra, and Algebra 1? I know I’ll be able to do it, but it’s frustrating.

The good thing about it is that it’s given me the kick in the butt that I needed to really get started on my handbook. I’ve gotten a little over 7 pages done on it so far. It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s me coming up with pretty much every procedure, rule, expectation, and description of everything that happens in the band building.

Now my head hurts. I think it’s from staring at this computer for the last 8 hours. Well, I just thought I’d check in. Sorry I haven’t had a lot of time to look at everyone’s blogs today. I’ll try to catch up tomorrow.  Hope everyone’s off to a good weekend!

Still not working out. Grrrrrr. I can only be mad at myself. I ate 1150 calories, but I’ll probably try to find something to eat soon. I know it’s 11 PM, but I don’t seem to be able to sleep before 4 or 5 AM anymore. It’s driving me insane, and putting a real damper on my days. My mom is convinced I have some kind of mold or toxic fume of some sort in my house. I wake up with headaches constantly, I’m ALWAYS tired when I’m home. Once I get out, I feel better. Whenever others come over, they always get some kind of allergy symptom (even those who aren’t allergic to cats). What really convinced my mom of the problem though is that I had a bunny. He was adorable!!! I loved the little guy. He was here for almost a week, and then just died mysteriously when he was in his cage. I have raised rabbits before, so I know how to take care of them. It broke my heart when the little fuzzy guy died. But besides that, my mom thinks that whatever is making the humans sick killed my bunny.

The good news is that I’m moving in a little over a month, so I’ll be leaving it behind.

Well, I really want to sleep at a decent hour, so I’m going to try.

Thank you all for the overwhelming response to my last blog. I’ve decided to still aim for right around 1500 calories. I was right on for that today. I had already joined sparkpeople.com earlier this week, but decided that I’d start using it at least for now. I’ve been logging my food in on Buddy Slim, but I decided to also do it on Sparkpeople. I found out that although I was getting right in the good range for calories, I’m not eating enough fat. That was frustrating, because I had always been thinking that low fat was good, but apparently it was too low. I also found out something that I was already suspicious of…I had too much sodium, by 1,000 mg!!! oops. So, I’ll be more aware of that. My only problem with sparkpeople is that I don’t like that you can’t see the nutrition info of an item before you add it to your day. That’s only a problem because it’s frustrating when you choose an item and it’s off by 100-300 calories. It’s a big difference. I’ll have to start adding things to my favorites.

A friend asked me today, if I was going to “always enter food into the computer like a maniac” lol. I thought about it, and if it works, maybe. The worst case scenario is that this makes me understand what I’m eating more. I think once my eating really becomes habit it will be different. I notice I really need to measure EVERYTHING. I use the measuring cup, measuring spoons, and scale constantly. I’m not good at “eyeing” the amount of food that I’m eating. It seems I’m usually off by quite a bit. When I realized I hadn’t eaten enough fat and I ate some peanuts to fix it, I guessed at how much to eat, but then I decided to measure it, and I actually only had half a serving. Oops.

So, here’s my question for today. What are some places you guys get healthy fats? Everyone says nuts, but I’m alergic to all nuts except peanuts. I can only eat so many of them! I do like peanut butter, but when I looked at the nutritional info on the bottles, and it seems that PB isn’t so healthy. So, what are some of the other ways?

Thanks for all of the support!