melonclarinet

So, I’ve been sick since Thanksgiving. I started getting better, then a little over a week and a half ago I got super sick.  I still haven’t received my health insurance card, so I kept avoiding going to the doctor. Well, yesterday, I finally gave in and went to the doctor; a friend got a doctor to come in and not charge me and open his office on Saturday for me. I still can’t believe he came in for me! Well, after he checked me out, it turns out I have pneumonia. He agreed to give me meds and let me go home. So, I guess I wasn’t just being a baby when I kept saying I didn’t feel well.  I haven’t been doing great on my diet as I just try to eat what I can, which isn’t always healthy food.

With all of this, I’m still losing; which was a shock to me. I have lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks. It’s not amazing weight loss, especially for the first couple of weeks, but it’s better than nothing, or worse- a gain.

Right now, my focus is to get well and take my meds. When I’m back to feeling good, I will kick it in gear, and life will go back to being on track.

So, I FINALLY got my medifast shipment when I got home tonight. I’m so happy to have it. My eating for the last couple of days has been kinda strange. I’ve been eating low carb, but definitely not really on the Medifast plan. Now that my food is finally here, I can be on it 100%.  I must say, I was proud of myself when I went to the drug store to buy an iron while hungry, but still didn’t buy any food there. I also walked past a Little Ceasar’s and wanted pizza so bad, but I was good.

Today was a crazy day! I woke up late and was a couple of minutes late to early morning practice. After practice, we had regular school and then a 2 hour rehearsal with the beginning band kids. That was interesting! I had about 80 6th graders armed with “musical” instruments and no other adult in the room. It was actually a lot of fun once we got going. Then I battled the bank to get another stupid temporary debit card, because they keep sending the permanent to the wrong address. This is the 6th time I’ve had to do this, and they gave me a terrible time about it. So, that was stressful. AFter that, I taught a private lesson, then went and did 4 loads of laundry.

With all the stress of the day, I would normally eat a ton of junk and have a binge. I did have brunch from Ruby’s Diner, but I got a salad. Then I had some roast beef for dinner. It was yummy. Oh, and did you all know that spaghetti squash is amazing? It is! I think it’s going to be a favorite vegetable now.

So, tomorrow is our beginning and intermediate band concert. That should be fun :)  I’m just stressing a little bit over the things I haven’t done yet :/ Ooops. I’ll get it done; I always do.

I guess I should get some sleep so that I can make sure I get up in time to get everything done tomorrow.

Well, I’m back in the swing of things. Today I wasn’t 100% on plan, but that’s mainly because I haven’t gotten my medifast shipment yet. It was supposed to be here today, but it’s now scheduled for tomorrow.  My eating today:

7:30 AM Chocolate Medifast Shake
9:30 AM Chocolate Medifast Pudding
12:00 PM Lunch- Tilapia, portobella mushrooms, spaghetti squash, and asapragus
2:00 PM Chocolate Medifast Sake
6:00 PM Grilled Chicken (this is where I went off, because I don’t have enough medifast food)

I’m about to have either a shake, a pickle, or some sugar free jello. I haven’t decided which.

I made it through the day without the carbs (even though I was offered a cookie and some birtday cake). I don’t have a headache and I didn’t feel too bad. I was hungry, but that’s to be expected with the eating habbit I’ve had (plus I was always hungry before too).

I feel better just knowing that I’m taking control of my life again.

Well, it’s time to get off, since I forgot my good laptop at school and this one is too slow to even type correctly. Until tomorrow…

Well, I finally did it. I finally weighed myself. I knew I had gained, but I had NO idea how much I had gained. I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but…I weigh 221.2 lbs. This is more than I’ve ever weighed, by a lot. I’ve gained about 20 pounds since I started my new job in the end of August. That’s 30 pounds in 4.5 months! I’m so dissapointed in myself. I did so well this summer, but just like every other time, I let myself slip once school started again.

I have a job I love, but I take it to the extreme. I take no time for myself. I don’t take the time to take care of myself at all. I’ve lived here for 4.5 months and haven’t even unpacked. I can count the number of times I’ve really cook on my fingers (no toes needed). I haven’t gone to the gym once. I haven’t put my own gym together (I would need to unpack to make that happen). None of my clothes fit. I’m uncomfortable in my own skin.

So, you wonder, am I just going to bitch about it, or am I going to do something? I started today. The first step was to weigh myself and just face the number. I did that. I cried a little, and now it’s time to move on. I ordered medifast last week and it should be here tomorrow. I cleaned out my cupboards and freezer. I had so much food that, although somewhat healthy, won’t fit in my eating plan. I couldn’t bring myself to throw away $200-300 worth of food. So, I called the parent of one of my students; they just lost their house, she lost her job, she just had surgery…basically life has been tough for them. I asked her if she wanted the food. She seemed grateful and I’m glad the food is out of the house. This evening, after I taught a few lessons, I made my lean and grean meals for the week.

Now I know that a lot of people frown upon Medifast because it’s not “real food.” But I also know that I need something that will fit in my super busy schedule and still allow me to lose the weight. I’ve done medifast before and lost 25 pounds (not nearly enough, but I quit when I lost my job). I need to lose the weight, and I need to do it for good.

I’m at a point where my weight scares me. I know that this can kill me; it probably will if I don’t fix it NOW. Now is the time. It can’t wait until tomorrow or next week. I’m 31 years old and miserable in my own body. I should be loving it and caring for it. Instead, I try to hide it and hide myself from the world.

So, you are all my witnesses; I am on track to lose the weight and more importantly get healthy.

Well, I ended up leaving the site for a while there. I left after I lost my job and then moved. I’m now out in Palm Springs. I have a new job (which I love!) and I’m just getting settled in. I moved here in the end of August, but I haven’t really been functioning. I didn’t unpack, I never cooked, and I didn’t have internet or cable.

This week is Thanksgiving week and I get it off. Woo hoo! I’ve done a little bit of getting my life back on track. I got an oil change (doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it was!). Got internet and cable hooked up today (I feel part of the world again). I even did some unpacking and grocery shopping. The bank had an unusual wake up call for me. It has been far too long since I grocery shopped; this was verified by the fact that my bank flagged my grocery shopping as “unusual debit card usage” and de activated my card! lol. Woops.

So, now it’s time to stop with the fast food. I need to start cooking regularly; I need to pack lunches; I need to take care of myself. As soon as I get my extra room unpacked, I can set up my gym system. Yay! Also, school is starting to slow down (marching band season is ending), so I can start working out in the small gym in the complex after school.

I’ve gained the weight that I lost this summer back. I’m back up to 212. I really don’t want to admit that number, but if I can’t be honest here, where can I be honest?

So, I hope everyone else is doing fine and everyone has a great Thanksgiving tomorrow!

I’m so frustrated and I’m struggling so much right now.  I feel like this must be my rock bottom, but I seem to be falling farther and farther.

I had a terrible day with a few of my students today (and they were the ones that I’ve always been able to depend on). It was bad enough to make me want to quit teaching. Then I came home for a brief moment and found a letter in my mailbox that said I didn’t get the job I really wanted. I just keep thinking that maybe teaching is not for me; I mean I love it, but maybe it’s just not for me. I don’t know.

Now, I know that this site is for weight loss, and this isn’t really related, but since I’m an emotional eater, this all ties in with why I’m struggling so much right now. I just don’t know what to do…

So, I’ve hit my mini goal of 189. I only lost 1 pound again this week!!! Ugh. I shouldn’t be surprised though, it’s been a rough week. We went to Knott’s Berry Farm yesterday with the band (festival was not so great, but the park was). The kids had fun. I actually didn’t eat much at all! I thought I was going to pig out, but it didn’t happen. That was a great thing.

So, I took my new pics today (yes they’re uploaded) and I feel like even though I’m down 23 pounds I don’t look like I’ve lost anything. It’s frustrating. I feel like I’m always going to look like a huge, fat pig.

Well, I just have to keep working at it I guess.

It’s a short blog, but I’m still exhausted from yesterday (I think all of the adrenoline from the rides wore me out). Plus, I need to get some sleep to get ready for another week at school. Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

So, today was a VERY long day. This week is super stressful as I’m taking my band to festival this weekend. Ahhh!!! It’s here. I’m excited and stressed and proud and frustrated, lol. I also woke up with a terrible migraine (this happens too often, I know). Because of this migraine, I ate a little too much. I went over my calories by 76 today. I knew I shouldn’t eat that bean burrito at school. On the plus side, the carbs in that burrito apparently were enough to help this headache. I felt so much better about an hour later, and I really needed that to get through the rest of my day. The rest of my food was completely on plan, and I actually didn’t end up going over on my carbs. My percentages of carbs, fat, and protein ended up being almost perfect. I’m proud of myself for being able to adjust my food so that I stayed on track. Yes, I know that I ate 76 more calories than my plan allows, but I will deal with that. I went to the gym for a half hour (when my iPod died, so did I, lol). Then I came home and did a 10 minute stretch video. It felt good. I feel good.

I got a call for a job interview today, but they wanted to schedule it for the day before our festival, and I can’t miss work that day. I’m hoping they’ll reschedule. I’ll give them a call tomorrow.

I thought it was funny that today I put a status update about my dinner on facebook and one of my old professors asked if I have become a culinary genious. lol! It only took me 4 minutes to make dinner (including the 1 minute it took to get my finger to stop bleeding after I cut it on a can). That’s what happens when I’ve made dinner ahead of time I had lemon pepper salmon, spinach, asparagus, and green beans. Yummy!!!

Well, I hope everyone’s having a wonderful day/week!

Ok, so today was not a productive day. My headache went from annoying to migraine. So, I’m planning to go to bed really early and get my week started right with an early work out. Hopefully I can sleep.

I’ll have to do my update of the past week or so tomorrow. I did stay on my meal plan today, so that’s good, but I didn’t work out, boo!

So, if you’re wondering about the title of my blog, here’s the explanation: In 14 weeks (98 days) I am a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding. I had decided that this would be a good motiation for losing weight (who wants to be the fat girl at a beach wedding?). Well, I’m about 10 pounds behind where I had planned-this weight loss thing is not easy! So, I’m giving myself a redo. I know, you can’t really do that in life, but I’m starting over. I want to lose 25-30 pounds in those 14 weeks. That’s about 2 pounds a week. I have not been able to lose 2 pounds a week since I started, but I’m determined to be dedicated to this and really kick up the workouts. Oh, who am I kidding, I’m determinded to START making workouts a regular part of my week. I really want to try to work out 5 days a week (even if it’s only for 20 minutes). Generally, if i start a workout, i get a good amount of time in, so as long as I head out the door, I should be fine.

Well, I’m off to try to get some sleep so I don’t have this migraine tomorrow. BTW, just because I haven’t really been blogging, doesn’t mean I haven’t been reading your blogs. Some of you are doing so well. Thanks for the inspiration!!!

Well, I lost my camera a while back. I bought a new one yesterday, so I guess that means I need to do some current pics. I hesitate to do it, because although I’ve lost 20 pounds, I don’t SEE a difference.  Oh well, I’ll do it anyway.